Another year rolls on, we’re all a little bit older and fatter but one thing that won’t change is the annual punt-a-thon on Eurovision. Accidental peadophiles have The Cheltenham Festival, football fans have The World Cup and the LGBTQ community have Eurovision. What do I have in common with all of them? Well I bet on them to keep food on the table and beer in the belly.

I’ve added a pantywetting narrative to my spreadsheet this year. With the way ‘the west’ is going a strong narrative may aid proceedings. We’ve seen this in recent years with a bearded ‘lady’, an anti-Russian song and a #MeToo tune all winning. They were all deserving winners, so it’s not just come up with the fad that appeases the most.

The first semi-final can’t be described as a classic. There’s a number of poor songs, which won’t capture the imagination. There is one song which I think is the worst of all.


This song is bottom of my overall rankings. Zala Kralj & Gasper Santl deliver Sebi with less gusto than me doing the washing up. Duets are a hard sell at the best of times, but when you just stand there looking at each-other ignoring the camera you’re not making a connection with the audience at home.

The song is in a language that is spoken by approximately 2.5 million people worldwide. 2.1 million of those live in Slovenia and can’t vote for their own song. I used google translate on the song lyrics and here’s what it came up with;


Slovenia Eurovision, 2019

As you can see from the above video Zala believes that a smile will cause her face to shatter into a million pieces. At the same time Gasper slowly rocks back a forth in a way which causes me to fear for his mental health.

Without Russia, Macedonia, Montenegro or Croatia in this semi-final they lose their biggest voting allies, Bosnia haven’t even turned up this year. Serbia should still throw them some pity votes, but I don’t see Luka Milivojević rushing to pick up the phone after they’ve spent three minutes boring him to tears.

This entry ticks all the boxes of a non-qualifier. It even has and early slot, 5th, in the running order and is followed by an ‘uplifting’ song. Imagine my delight when I saw that it was odds-on to qualify. I’m pressing the pink button on the machine and I suggest you should too.

LAY SLOVENIA TO QUALIFY @ 1.5x (Betfair Exchange)

Ten Qualifiers

As it’s traditional within the Eurovision bubble you have to predict your ten qualifiers from each semi-final. In Tuesday’s heat I’ve gone for;

Greece, Australia, Cyprus, Estonia, Belgium, Hungary, Iceland, Serbia, Belarus and Finland.

2019 Eurovision Winner

A brief touch on the outright 2019 winner market. I like the look of the market this year. I can make a case for ten songs to go close enough to wining this show, which means that I don’t feel the market should be as short as it is on the front end.

Sweden and The Netherlands should currently be the front two on my numbers, but at bigger prices. I have laid the pair of them at 6.xx and 3.5x. This gives me thirty-nine other runners including;

  • France – A transgender muslim singing in the style of The Greatest Showman, backed up by an overweight ballet dancer. Strong Narrative.
  • Italy – A muslim who rhymes Ramadan with Jackie Chan. More importantly the song ranks well on social media.
  • Azerbaijan – Great song, will get the public votes.
  • Australia – Excellent staging, sure to pick up jury votes.
  • Switzerland – Very Justin Timberlake meets Enrique Iglesias.

I’ll put more on my outright views in my Grand Final preview. Taking on the front two at this stage has a limited downside right now as I doubt they’ll get much shorter, which leaves me the option of backing them back if I want to get out of my position.